Breaking the Third Wall

(Reluctantly I’ve agreed to an “interview” with Marks and Lip, the two heroes in my books PROPORTIONATE RESPONSE and INSIDER X.  Johnny Two-cakes, also in those books, has a cameo.)

Lip: You comfortable?

Me: mmmfff!

Lip: Here let me get that.  Better?

Me: Thank you.  Are these supposed to be this tight?

Marks: Told you.  Should have used duct tape.

Lip: He’s fine.  They’re not blue yet.  (Looks at me) I suppose you wonder why we asked you to meet with us?

Me:  Yeah, it crossed my mind.

Lip: We’re kind of bummed.

Marks: Very bummed.

Me: Is this about REALITY RECODED?

Lip (looks at Marks): Told you he was smart.

Marks: Did you read it?

Lip: No.

Marks: But you’re sure we’re not in it?

Lip: Very sure.  If it had us in it, it would be a bestseller.  You see it on any bestseller list?

Me: Guys, I haven’t forgotten about you.

Lip: Kind of looks like it.

Me: Really.  I haven’t.  I’m thinking maybe next book.  Or the one after that.

Lip: What?!  We can’t wait that long.  What are we supposed to do?

Me: I don’t know.  Hang around?

Marks: I’ve taken up knitting.

Lip: He has.

Me: You’re kidding?

Lip: Yeah, it’s bad.  Can’t you do something?

Me: Maybe I can toss you a bone?

Marks: I like bones.

Lip: He does.  He likes bones.  Cave man thing.

Me: Okay.  Let me think about this.  Do you guys like to coach?

Lip: Coach?

Me: Yeah, I could use some assistant coaches.

Marks: What sport are we talking here?

Lip: Hold on!  How does that help us?

Me: You guys wanted a bone.

(Johnny Two-cakes enters the rooms.  Sees me.  Double blinks.)

Lip: Relax.  He’s fine.

Marks: We’ve been giving him cookies.

Booming voice from the ceiling: READ AND GO FORTH AND TELL ALL WHAT YOU’VE READ.

Lip: Nice try, Buschi.

Me: That wasn’t me.

Marks: What happens when we click it?

Lip: Don’t!

(Click below)